Friday, February 29, 2008

Friday Fury Word of The Day: JENKEM!

Thats Right Folks! Get it while it's hot, (and steamy). It's Jenkem (cue jingle tunes), the newest cost effective way to guaruntee yourself the most fucking incredibly shitty high you've ever experienced, literally. Without holding back, this stuff is rumored to produce holes in your brain large enough for a dick with elephantitus to have a field day. I'm talking guiness gangbang records. Not to mention the pungent aroma that'll linger around your mouth for say, long enough to assure that the only play you'll get is bigfoot's cornhole! And that's only if you're game's that tight. (Seriously if this "shit" really blows up I'm investing in colgate, pronto) In all technicalities though, Jenkem must be the most insane concoction to ever emerge from the bizarre-substance movement.

Known as a hallucinogenic recreational drug composed of noxious gas formed from fermented human sewage, scraped from pipes and stored in plastic bags for a week or so, until it gives off numbing, intoxicating fumes. In other words your puffing poopy homie, you're fixated on feces, you're blazing raisins man, basically you're smoking shit. (At times piss too, damn!) In the early and mid-1990s, several reports stated that Jenkem was being used by Zambian street children. In November 2007, anecdotes were widely repeated in the American media which gave the impression that Jenkem was a popular drug taking hold with American teenagers. In the BBC 1999 article the process is described as, "...the dark brown sludge, gathering up fistfuls and stuffing it into small plastic bottles. They tap the bottles on the ground, taking care to leave enough room for methane to form at the top". (LOL, hahaha!)

This is by far the greatest discount drug I've ever heard of. I mean, realistically this stuff costs about 2 bucks in overhead costs and a large meal in product expense. All you need is a bucket of fries, and in about an hour, bam, your tripping your balls off! You don't even need to wipe, think about it man what good is it if your whole entire oral cavity will reek of turd. Now, being from the prestigious City of Miami, I couldn't fathom anything beyond the classic hardcore designer stuff, so naturally when I heard about this I flipped out. Then it got me thinking, if you indulge in the butt hash, then stuff your stomach and repeat the Jenkemation process, well you must fly to the fucking stars from Jenkemated excriment! All on your own shit, that's crazy son.

Don't believe me, here's a media report:

Pimpin' Pen's does not condone nor support this form of intoxication by any means. But we are forever grateful some broke ass dirtbags discovered it cause it is hilariously awesome.

Posted By Los for Pimpin' Pens

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